Suck all the dicks. All the dicks in the world. I've had your game for almost a month now and the only consistent feeling I've had towards it is that it should suck all the dicks. All the dicks in the world. Every dick it can get its little mouth on.
This is unfortunate because I'm a big fan of Call of Duty 4, but after giving your game a serious pat-down, I can only offer it a big, steaming plate of dicks.
I don't know if my uncontrollable rage can defy its own nature and be controlled long enough for me to think of all the things that are wrong with this game, but I'll try.
- Get rid of those goddamn tanks. You know, the tanks that take six rockets to kill even though we're only spawned with two rockets? Stop that. This means that we have to go shoot two rockets at a tank, then, if we survive that, we go off and prance about the fields of Seelow until a confused hunter takes off half our skull. Then we're spawned with two more rockets, wash, rinse, repeat. How long do you think that process would take, Treyarch? Two minutes? Out of a ten minute deathmatch? That's a fifth of play time, (of course, many matches don't last that long, in fact, most of them don't). That's a fifth of the game where the tank driver knows he's safe and can cruise around unchalenged blowing people to pieces. And that doesn't take into account people who use Bomb Squad x3 special grenade or anything else. Any perk that's not rockets or is totally null and void because then the team doesn't stand a chance against tanks. The tank is a totally overpowered supression weapon. Perch it on a hill and your enemies will go running for cover and your snipers and close-quarters fighters can systematically eliminate anyone left. It's cheap, stupid and I refuse to drive a tank (aside from to hide them from other players) in game.
- Most people don't pay attention to what team they're on because you change so often and they're often indistinguishable at long range. Therefore, we rely on the names displayed above the character to determine if they're on our team or not. So, when I come around a corner and there's a guy with no display above his head, I start shooting. Then, we show up on our enemy's radar, and we're greeted with dozens of anonymous grenades landing in every orifice of our body.
- The spawns. This is quite possibly the most egregious offense and is responsible for at least 15% of my deaths (and an uncalculated number of my kills). When I spawn, don't want to be greeted with an enemy's knife as soon as I land in this world, wide-eyed and virginal, ready to gut the American menace. If nothing else, spawn me next to a teammate, so at least I can have some company when I die. I can't tell you how many times I've been sniped, and then spawned five feet away from where I died, only to be plugged again immediately. If someone is charging towards an area, don't spawn his enemies there, they wouldn't stand a chance. It doesn't make any sense. It turns the game into a game of whack-a-mole, if the mothers of the moles involved were being given folded American flags every time one of their offspring were clubbed by a drooling four-year-old. I feel terrible when I'm running in a straight line and I kill someone, only to have them spawn in front of me, right in my crosshairs, with them looking the opposite direction. This happened three times to the same guy once. It's absurd.
- When I shoot something, that means I want it dead. Not that I want to get his attention like I recognize him from the training academy. He's on the other team! The Russians and Germans didn't go to the same training academy, anyway. I was using bolt action rifles for a while because I like to think that I'm a pretty good shot. For a while in Boot Camp and into Team Deathmatch for a while, I was doing a bang-up job, once getting a 30-kill 5-death spread with the Arisaka. But once I got to the higher levels my gun seemed to only fire confetti. And to make matters worse, whenever I would be popped by someone else using an Arisaka I would watch my killcam and they would never hit me directly. It's like there was a killbox or something, like there was a small room for error. It was frustrating to see someone shooting me in the pinky and cueing some orchestral cellos when I would tie someone to a chair, put my foot on their stomach and shoot them between the eyes at point blank and they would shrug it off and stab me in the balls with their retractable shoe-knife. I never had this problem in Call of Duty 4! I prestiged using the M16 and the majority of my kills were headshots. Granted they're a bit different, but accuracy is still the dominating factor for both.
- Hacking is a serious problem. I'm tired of being shot from underground. It's stupid. I have to use my rocket launcher to kill those assholes, and then I don't have anything to use against the tank monsters. As if it mattered.
Your Pal,
Oliver
P.S.
Suck all the dicks, you assholes.
2 comments:
Your expressions of disapproval are on a level of vulgarity that cannot be tolerated.
Your critique is diluted by the pejoratives you use. In fact, it's not a critique. It's a tantrum.
The way to express disapproval is to do without applause.
Try it.
Your expressions of disapproval are on a level of vulgarity that cannot be tolerated.
Your critique is diluted by the pejoratives you use. In fact, it's not a critique. It's a tantrum.
The way to express disapproval is to do without applause.
Try it.
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