In lieu of anything interesting to write about

Here's a list of occupations Joe Johnston would be better suited to than filmmaking, in celebration of the recent casting announcement for upcoming bad movie Captain America:

• Garbage eater

Because I'd love to go to his place of employment just to watch him eat the garbage. I'd throw petty change at him and on a good day he'd eat a couple pennies and I can watch him shit blood later, because Joe Johnston doesn't deserve the dignity of a door on his doghouse. Speaking of which...

• Dog catcher

Because the dogs will outwit you, Joe Johnston. Make no mistake about it.

• That. Over there.

Frankly, I don't really remember a lot from The Wolfman, but a lot of the stuff that happened in it I'd like to wish on Joe Johnston now. I believe my ice distribution company could write off "ice water tester" on its taxes if we gave the job to Johnston and paid him in coupons for discounted ice.

• Sandwich

For eating.

• Tree

For processing carbon dioxide into oxygen.

That's all I can think of, and I don't think there's a lot of money to be made as a tree. Anyway, I hope to play catch-up with a lot of the movies I didn't get to see in theaters but are now available on DVD for the next few weeks. I'll also have a new entry in the Vampire Movies That Don't Suck As Much As Twilight series.